5 Common Myths about my Lack of Belief in God

Thanks for stopping by to read this post! I have had a lot of very interesting conversations with a lot of folks since I made a public declaration of lack of belief in god. I was surprised by some of the topics of discussion and some of the questions that were brought up, and assuming that others may have the same questions, I thought it might be nice to roll out some answers all in one place.

Just so that we are on the same page before we dive in here, I’d like to establish what I mean by ‘lack of belief’. I have personally not come across enough evidence for the existence of a god or gods that I can be convinced that a god or gods exist. At the same time, it is impossible to prove a negative in relation to existence (e.g. the cosmic teapot) Academically, I concede that there is potential for a divine existence, and I find that denying that potential is intellectually dishonest. Some say that makes me an agnostic. However, in practical everyday terms, I live my life as if there is no god. Some would say that makes me an atheist. I’ll refer to myself as an atheist in this post just for simplicity’s sake.

This post is not a defense of atheism or agnosticism. It is not an attack on religion, spirituality, mysticism or the divine. This post is a slightly tongue in cheek response for some people who may want to know, but who may not want to ask. Every one of these has been inspired by a real life conversation.

Myth #1. Somebody must have hurt you or treated you badly for you to walk away.

This has been the first comment/question in a majority of the conversations I have had about this. “Who hurt you?” or “The reason that you are walking away is that you were presented with a false picture of what the love of Christ really is.” There are many variations. Perhaps you’ve heard a few yourself.

The truth is that there is not a single person, or group of people, who have driven me away from god with their actions, words, dogma or their ignorance.

Myth #2. You must be blaming god for something undesirable in your life.

I don’t believe in god, singular or plural. I can’t be mad at someone that I don’t believe exists.

Myth #3. You can’t have morals if you don’t have god.

I don’t even know how to respond to this, really. In order to make this assertion, it must be conclusively demonstrated either that god and morality are equivalent, or that morality cannot in any way exist through natural processes. I haven’t seen enough evidence for either of those premises. At the risk of making my response too simplistic: I don’t believe in god and I also have an innate sense that rape is wrong. I don’t see those two things as mutually exclusive.

Myth #4. You can’t have a reason to live if you don’t have god.

This myth also comes in a few flavors. “What is the purpose of your life if you weren’t created?” or “Why don’t you just kill yourself now” are some of the more common. My question is this: why does life’s existence demand one expressly designated purpose, or any purpose at all? Life exists and I live to make the best of it that I can. I have one shot.

Myth #5. Its because you were never able to make the decision about religion for yourself.

In order for this to be true, there has to be some kind of age limit or cut-off that I’m not aware of.
As far as I can tell, I did make this decision about religion for myself. It wasn’t when I was a child or a teenager. Does that make the choice invalid? I don’t think so.

So why am I an atheist? Very simply, I came to my position through reason and logic. That’s it. Asking questions and finding, or not finding answers. Challenging assertions that I had never challenged before. After all, if faith can’t stand up to the same analytical scrutiny that I would apply to less important life decisions, is it worth holding on to?

The line that I never thought I would cross

Ever since leaving the IFB, I have been purposefully vague about where I stand on Biblical issues and theology. Mostly, this was due to the fact that I have been laboriously reviewing every position I have. And for the first time in my life, I have been forming beliefs, views, and opinions from outside the bubble as an adult. The results are not what I expected, and they may come as a shock to those I have not yet been able to tell in person. Given my previous track record, I know that a lot of people have a very specific image of who I am and what I believe and stand for. And I want to bring everyone up to speed. So here it goes.

I am an agnostic. Depending on how you define the term, you might consider me to be a deist or an atheist. The simple fact is that I do not believe in God. More specifically, I do not believe in the personal God that is described in the Bible. As to how I came to that conclusion, I am more than happy to share that at a different time.

For some of you, this information is very difficult to swallow. All I ask for now is that you consider the following statements and talk with me in person before jumping to any conclusions.

1. I still care about each and every one of you. It saddens me to know that there are some friends who will inevitably break communication with me over this. If that is you, I do not fault you for that, and I understand. But please bear in mind that the choice to share my views is based in a desire for honesty and openness. In no way am I making a personal attack against anybody, any group of people, or any organization.

2. I am still the same guy that I was before. In fact, my life is still pretty normal by most standards. I suffer through the morning commute to a job that I love (most days). My wife is the love of my life and my best friend. I am a huge Redskins fan/Cowboys hater. My sense of humor is unfortunately not any better, and you can still catch me laughing at things that aren’t really that funny. I’m still a sucker for tech gadgets of any kind. I am still absolutely captivated by great music, and a solid father/son movie is almost guaranteed to make my eyes sweat.

3. My moral compass has not been destroyed. I didn’t become an agnostic in order to live free of consequences for my behavior and choices. I don’t hold a grudge against any deity whatsoever. And on a related note, I am not in league with Satan to destroy the moral fabric of society.

4. I hope that we can still be friends.

5. If you are a theist, and especially if you are a practicing christian, I do not consider you to be stupid or ignorant. Most importantly, I do not look down on you. If you hold a theistic viewpoint, I am hoping that we can agree to disagree and find a way to move forward in harmony. Please know that I am not on a mission to subversively crumble the foundations of anyone’s faith.

6. Let’s talk it over. If you want to know the reasons that I am agnostic, I am more than happy to have a friendly conversation about it. I would ask two things:

Number one: Please don’t feel awkward to broach the subject of your personal views on religion and spirituality (I know that for some this will be easier said than done). I will not be offended or upset by hearing about praying, church, blessings, theology, or anything else that may (or may not) be an integral part of your life. You are important to me, and therefore the things that are important to you are important to me.

Number two: Please do not try to fix me. I am not broken.

4 Reasons Why I Don’t Resent My Parents….Anymore

[Disclaimer: This is not an attack against my parents.  To be clear, this is not an attack against my parents.  This is nothing more than an important part of the healing process: forgiveness.  The reason that I am sharing it, is that I have encountered a lot of former IFBers who are still chained by their anger and I hope that sharing my experience can lead to healing and hope for them]

Let’s not kid ourselves.  Walking away from a life of manipulation and legalism leaves even the brightest  and most resilient soul exhausted, scarred and blackened by the endless barrage of guilt and lies.  And often times, the wide and colorful palette of human emotion is stripped down to one lonely slow-burning option: anger.  It shouldn’t come as a surprise for those of us that have lived the life.  The foundation of all other emotions inside the bubble seems to have anger at its root.   Anger at sin.  Anger at sinners.  Anger at the devil.  Anger Disney movies.  Anger at modern haircuts.  And the list goes on.  This anger is the fuel that feeds the starving engine of endless rule creation and guilt inspired punishment.  All under the guise of love for the sheep.

So when I walked away, I didn’t leave alone.  I had a two ton gorilla clutching to my shoulders.  He poisoned my thoughts and actions with a steady drip of rage into my unsuspecting arteries.  And just like in any break up, the objects of my resentment were the individuals that I perceived as causing my pain.  For me, public enemy number one (and two i suppose) was my parents.  I felt betrayed, lied to and mislead by the two people that I was genetically designed to unquestioningly trust.  I felt naked and weak and abandoned in a harsh and vicious world that life in the bubble had not come close to preparing me for.

Testosterone told me that I didn’t need them anyway.  I was man enough to make it on my own.  Immaturity told me that I could figure it out on the fly.  But reality put both of them in their place as I fell farther into the darkness that resisted my desperate attempts to claw my way to freedom and happiness.

And then, the healing process began.  As anger gave way to healing and enlightenment, I began to see that my harsh and unrelenting condemnation of my parents was not fair to them.  Its funny how anger clouds judgment.  And its funny how when we’re angry we refuse to see that it does.

So now, in a moment of clarity, I want to list the reasons that I no longer resent my parents for raising me in the IFB.

1. Because I want to be happy.  Spending the rest of my life waiting for an apology that is specific enough to satisfy my rage is a colossal waste of time.  The past is done.  Can’t change it.  Sorry.  That’s reality.  What I can change, however is my reaction.  What I can control is how I will feel, the choices I will make, and the direction that I will go.  And I refuse to let the past squeeze me dry.  So I made a declaration that I will not allow the past to rob the future of fulfillment and happiness.  Sometimes you just have to let go.

2. Because underneath it all, they had good intentions.  Never, ever in the history of mankind have good intentions outshined the evil deeds done in their name.  But when its time to forgive and move on, they shouldn’t be cast aside.  My parents are human.  They made mistakes.  But underneath of the legalism and the unrelenting domination and control was a very real desire to protect me and love me.  I can see that.  And no, it doesn’t make the pain any less hurtful.  And no, it doesn’t make it right.  And for those of you who are still angry, I totally get if you can’t see like this.  I was there.  But on the other side of the healing, good intentions can count for something.

3. Because, they honestly didn’t think they were wrong.  I wasn’t the only one brainwashed.  When they were young and impressionable christians, they were “discipled” by some very heavy-hitting legalistic and judgmental people.  It’s hard to pick up on that vibe that in the throes of infatuation that the new believer experiences.  Which is why those that deal with new converts have probably the the heaviest responsibility in all of christendom. Teach truth.  Period.  But that didn’t happen, and inside the bubble, they honestly thought that they were doing the right thing.

4. Because, I will have children one day (hopefully).  I am under no delusion that I will be the perfect parent (anymore).  And I have no doubt that one day my children will have issues to deal with because of my shortcomings.  They might even write a blog post about it.  Somehow, the realization of my own imperfections helps me forgive the imperfections of others.  Something about he who lives in a glass house, and all that jazz.

So there it is.  Am I completely restored.  Nope.  But I have made the choice to move on.  They say don’t judge a man until you have walked two moons in his shoes.  I don’t know about all that, but I do know that forgiveness is liberating.

Not for them.  For me.