A deadly game of peekaboo

 

Have you ever tried to play peekaboo by yourself?  I did. Once.  In a mirror.  I was bored.  And I don’t tell many people about that so if you don’t mind, please keep it a secret.  But that just goes to show how simple the game itself is.  In order to play, it only takes three ingredients: 1) somebody to hide from  2)something to hide behind and 3) something/someone to do the hiding.

As a kid, peekaboo is cute and funny.  As a lone teenager in front of a mirror, it’s just weird.  But as a fundy, the game of peekaboo was mandatory, and this is how we played.

Ingredient number one: Somebody (or something) to hide from

Simply put, we hid from evil.  And to be perfectly honest, we made up most of the evil that we hid from.  But, then again, what were we supposed to do?  Jesus neglected to teach about the wickedness of AMC theaters so we had to cover that ground for Him.  And we all knew that commercials on TV were a deliberate attack on our minds as a combined effort of the devil himself and the world (but only the really good Christians would actually turn off the TV when they came on).

We all liked to help each other identify new evil, too.  Where some of us had trouble seeing what was ‘so obvious’ to others, we were never far from somebody who was more than happy to point it out for us.  Heck, there were even situations in which I was the guy doing the pointing out.

And evil wasn’t limited to objects and places.  No siree.  If you weren’t lucky enough to be one of us, you didn’t stand a chance.  We may have smiled to your face.  But as soon as you left the room, we talked about how immodest your clothes were, or how despicable your tattoo was, or how worldly (which basically means evil for those that don’t know) your hair cut was.  And we could ALWAYS find something to criticize.  After all, we had to prove to ourselves how different and set-apart we were.

Because you can’t hide without something to hide from.

Ingredient number two: Something to hide behind

And what we hid behind was a fear.  Fear that our false reality would be contaminated by your fake evil.  Fear that God would reject me because I didn’t follow the rules that shouldn’t exist in the first place.  Fear that somebody might actually go to hell because they saw me buying a bag of ice in a liquor store.  Fear that I would lead other Christians down a path of destruction if I didn’t make every move exactly right.

Fear makes people desperate, and desperation, in turn, makes people irrational.  This irrationality is what allowed me to remain fearful for so long.

Ingredient number three: Somebody to do the hiding

So, given that there was something to hide from and something to hide behind, I played along.  But instead of finding that years of making the ‘right’ moves resulted in favor from God and an abundant life, I found a heart that was cynical, untrusting, and abused.

Peekaboo.

Out of curiosity what role did fear play in your life if you came out of the IFB, and what did you feel when you discovered that it was unfounded?
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About Techrolle

Former Fundamentalist. Current member of the human population. Future cranky black man. View all posts by Techrolle

2 responses to “A deadly game of peekaboo

  • M.E. Anders

    Fear was THE prominent factor in my life while under the IFB. When I discovered that it was unfounded, I felt like a fool. It took me twenty full years to “get wise.” I still feel that sense of embarrassment that I was under their spell for so long.

  • Dan

    I know what you mean. I like to think of myself as as pretty smart guy, but I feel kinda stupid when I look back at how my life used to be.

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